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:Random Parcels of Pseudo Truths:

Sunday, January 29, 2006

somebody i can't be

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it

Somebody by Depeche Mode

it hurts to know that i cant be your somebody
that i know one day i will leave you
and be someone else's somebody

it hurts to know how much you have fell for me
for it shows the capacity of the hurt i can inflict on you

my tears now is for the hurt i know i will give you
an inevitable end despite me trying

right now i can't pretend
i'm not a pretender, i'm a idealist
but my bubble has been burst

i know we are living on dangerous ground
me providing more only to know that it will end

i know i will never forgive myself
i know i will never forget you
but i know the day i hurt you
you will never forgive me
you will make youself forget me

i never want to lose you forever
but i know you can never hold me forever

amaranthine froze in time on 1:45 AM

Thursday, January 26, 2006

pain resides

pain comes in many different variations
the pain of operation and wounds
the pain of canes and injections
the pain of lost and dejection
i can withstand

true pain comes to me when
i find myself not able to answer you when you asked
for my instinct on our relationship
whether we will be married with kids
i can't
coz I know you will not want to hear it
coz I know that you too know where it will be headed
coz I know you are afraid too
coz I know you just want the assurance from me
coz I know that you know the pain already
coz I know that you do not want history to repeat itself

true pain comes to me when
i find myself caught between what I want and what I can do
i know what I want but I know I can't
i can't choose to be with the man I want
coz I have a man crazy in love with me
coz you want a woman crazy about God like you
coz I have sinned and still sinning
coz you need a pure woman within
coz I am everything that you will not want
coz you are everything that isn't me

true pain comes to me when
i find myself knowing what I should do but can't do
i know that I am wrong
we are wrong together
but I try so hard to make it right
coz your life evolves around me
coz you changed yourself for me
coz you never make me feel less
coz you love me with a capacity I'm incapable of

true pain comes to me when
i find myself liking what I should not and disliking what I should
i always find ways to rebel
but it is really taking its toil on me
coz I spend my time being a taker not a giver
coz taking takes more out of me than giving
coz making love makes less sense than sex
coz my heart doesn't flutter
coz my desires isn't aroused
coz my enjoyment is forbidden
coz my happiness is followed by guilt
coz I know I will never get that happiness
coz I know that soon it will be all over, for both
coz I know ultimately I will be the biggest loser

amaranthine froze in time on 2:38 PM

Monday, January 23, 2006

things are as good as i think them to be

life's good to me
nothing much has changed
if they have
i'll like to believe that
they're for the better

amaranthine froze in time on 1:38 PM

Monday, January 16, 2006

in the mood for domesticity


i was martha stewartified.

not understanding the whole deal about her power, i decided to pick up one of her magazines, Martha Stewart Living out of curiosity. and i was strangely transformed into a homemaker wannabe. she made home living so beautiful and inviting. there are the art of tying a perfect bow to learn, how to make perfect sugar flowers on your cupcakes and many ways to improve your home.

of coz i'm won over. i like to fuss over how my food looks. i like to do crafts and diy home decor. nothing please me better than a visual feast of aesthetics at home. and another sign i'm being hit by the domestic fairy is that i'm starting to look at wedding stuff. and frankly, a sense of alarm sets in. i am not ready for domesticity. it's pretty much of a fantasy life i want to have. coz i know i'll never make pretty cupcakes. and right now i'm more interested in learning the art of survival rather than the art of perfection.

yes it's juz a phase, soon it'll be back to reality.


amaranthine froze in time on 4:42 PM

Friday, January 13, 2006

complete missing

everything seems almost perfect
things falling into place
from a former pile of mess
of indecision and helplessness
i'm starting to find my pieces

but i know things aren't perfect
neither are they complete yet
things never are
life never is
perfection is the silly pursuit of the impossible
completion is a state fit at the end

i'm just starting my journey
a long route of discovery
of the missing pieces along the way
the state of bliss i'm in
is the brief elation at having found some
there are many more to go

and right now
i have a sense of
what one missing piece is

Him.

amaranthine froze in time on 12:19 AM

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

progress report I

doing well so far.....

happier.
yes i learnt to turn and face the sun, enjoy its warmth and glow rather than hide and dwell in the shadows. nothing much has changed, my attitude towards life changed things.

tidier.
the best progress come unplanned. a rainy day is all it takes for me to hav a clean table. cleared corner. new tv out. little things like that can change how you feel within a room. the transition is well on its way. i'm excited.

more organised.
i started organising things. my bills, magazines, accessories supplies. i started keeping track of my expenditure. i edited my photos. i plan to organize the articles i want by scanning them. got that years neglected scanner out. but it's not working. well but it's a great idea i want to do. i plan to get a hard disk soon to organise my stuff. yes i almost forgotten how enjoyable it is to have things organized. knowing exactly where things are and where they should be.

hope all these will progress consistently.

amaranthine froze in time on 12:20 AM

it does not take much effort to see past the mundane and notice the little details in life
_______________

Bits about Me
..........
i like to procastinate
i am a fashion mag junkie
i hate spiders
i am drawn to aesthetics
i have a toenail the size of a dot
i am an owl
i like bananas
i hate favouritism
i don't sing
i can't do a split
i bungee jumped
i am drawn to colours
i eat real slow but drink real fast
i like tans; on me and on guys
i wish i can really cook
i have spatial intelligence
i don't like attention
i am a perfume polygamist
i like to read and smell books
i am a pessimistist
i squander; money n time
i can't count
i am a serial worrier
i am an old soul
i like surprises

make my day and drop me a line at
adropinasea@gmail.com
_______________

Wishlist:
..........
1. new job
2. michael kors chronograph watch
3. good spirits
4. spa pampering at aman resorts
5. time to read
6. good laugh
7. a canine companion
8. a black chandelier
9.
10.kisses and hugs
_______________

Quote to ponder
..........
every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around
_______________

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