:Random Parcels of Pseudo Truths:

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 All about Vermeer juz had a test this morn at the early hours of eight... ok that's very early for me so it's a perfect excuse as now i'm in my room slacking away... but i'm not exactly doing nothing i'm reading my novel, Girl With A Pearl Earring. very beautifully written and evocative... keep me enthralled. it was inspired by a painting by 17th century artist Johannes Vermeer that depicts.. ok the obvious a girl with a pearl earring. she's a fictional muse author tracy chevalier imagined and wrote about in the novel. well so enthralled by the story that i searched the net n i found out that there's actually a site that allows me to tour ard the vermeer's house with details like the architectural plan and even their inventory list. wo. and yes also a art collection of all his 36 paintings... with some them of conceived in the content of the novel itself. hmm which makes me think is it a good thing that i hav such access to these... wat's reading without that bit of imagination and the lure of uncertainty. esp when there's now a movie based on this novel... ok but nevertheless it's still a world i get drawn into...back to the days when all paint colours was grinded and extracted from nature and families having as much as eleven children are the norm. away from the world where paint colours smell synthetic and come straight from the tube and a brood of children is virtually non-existent. amaranthine froze in time on 11:27 AM Monday, February 23, 2004 am·a·ran·thine/amu'ranthin Eternally beautiful. Everlasting. Immortal. Deep purple-red. An imaginative flower that never fades. "The only amaranthine flower on earth is Virtue" ~ Cowper ok. i have no idea. i just happen to find that the word looks beautiful. amaranthine froze in time on 12:53 AM Thursday, February 19, 2004 Lookist society well yes as much as i detest the fact that looks matter in our life as mentioned in this mag article about a lookist society... i am inevitably guilty of acting differently to people according to how they look. ok but i dun despise a person who's disadvantaged in the looks department and fall for any eye candy in sight. but still first impressions are based on looks no matter how u say that inner beauty is wat matters. there's no way u can see through people on first look. but looks in my sense does not nec mean genetically determined but also how the person carry him/herself off. like a smile never fails to make a person look good. an air of charisma is a bonus of coz... topped off with some unexplainable X-factor. like how i feel it harder to reject the sales antics of an attractive salesperson (female) and unknowingly smile at the very adorable babies i see on trains, how a pretty lecturer can make me feel that i shdnt sleep even though it's not exactly interesting and how my urge to stare subside when the person who knocked into me look pleasant. ok now it makes me think that i'm shallow. or am i? studies hav shown that it is juz an inherent cognitive nature of humans to be drawn to beauty; babies below one year old with no predeposition to the society's beauty standards look longer and response better to good looking people. so it's juz natural for me to react this way? but stil we are in a society with increasing emphasis placed on beauty. beauty ads with flawless faces rampant. countless ways on market to enhance our beauty. and it's a basic assumption that people want to look good. yes i can balantly admit to that. to add to that i'm vain. a fren once lamented "looks can give u a better life". hmm ok yeah on extremes: there are no ugly mistresses. no pretty roadsweeper. pretty celebrities who shot to fame by flashing a perfect or some flesh. plain actors who work doubly hard to get the same amt of news space. lucrative business has an unspoken rule on looks... ok u dun hav to gorgeous but no ugly duckings (unless u hav extraordiary talent and luck). ok while there's a little truth to that, happiness does not hav preferences on looks. anybody is entitled to hav a good life, looks can only bring u some conveniences. and i totally believe in that. i may be naturally drawn to beauty but i do not seek out beauty. while i'm juz as concerned bout looking presentable i'm also working at exploring the real me. to know wat makes me me. i hav insecurities in the past coz of who i am. but i hav come to accept that it's juz that i hav more going on in my mind than through my mouth. so yes we are in a lookist society. but now with practically everybody looking so good, it's the something extra that defines a person. i mean yeah i see lots of pretty n well-dressed gals on the street... guys a few... i dun even take second glances... but i get drawn to those who shines otherwise, like the guy who offers to help an old lady carry her stuff, or the gal whose confident stride supersedes how she looks like. ha in any case... i'm stil not yet a convert appearance is stil the first device to judge a person. so yes i do stil hav my insecurities. amaranthine froze in time on 1:24 AM Tuesday, February 17, 2004 mieux yes feeling much better today... things happen for a reason. no big deal. amaranthine froze in time on 11:15 PM Monday, February 16, 2004 you kidding me? yes it's been a hectic and terrible week. everything's gone all wrong. and now i am really not gg to graduate this sem. well not exactly a shock considering i nv give a damn to academic details like wat modules to fulful watever bloody requirements. to me it's a simple matter of having 120MC needed to graduate and my motto is having to need to juz get at least the min CAP of 2 to get a degree. yes so it's much more than that. yes i'm still in disbelief. that i could screw up on this. now i hav to stay one more sem to take more modules to fulful the module requirement. yes the fact that i hav to stay one more sem studying is sinking in. so is the fact that now i hav extra modules. great. i certainly dun wan to go on further on e fact that everyone else wil be graduating without me, working while i's stil studying, travelling while i'm stuck here. i certainly not feeling good. totally not good. amaranthine froze in time on 10:11 PM Chocolate cravings amaranthine froze in time on 2:51 AM Friday, February 06, 2004 me an idol? why is singing so profitable? why cant talents in drawing n writing bring in as much hype and money as having a golden voice? ok i'm not being bitter here coz i can't hold a note, juz that the american idol hype is really impressive. the thrones of pple pursing the dream of being a idol singer. with some clearly blinded n made tone-deaf by the desire to be famous n rich. hmm wat if i can sing. well will i go for such an audition? ok no. first the last thing i want is fame. coz it wil mean that i wil lose my treasured privacy. i like to disappear among the crowd. i dun want to stand out. i would rather be the background person. those pple who arent the main leads but who others cant do without. with my names among the credits. or be the name behind successes. yes no face included. so i can afford to be ugly on bad days. be rude to e rudes. be nobody among everyone else. i do not want to be a manufactured product. where i am juz the voice. not a person. where pple hav to tell me wat to wear how to act how to be the idol they want. u lose all your independence n freedom. where u live for others. the expectation to be perfect. that u shd be good. like poor rubben who seems to lost his touch his clay. expectations can kill. as for the money part. ok i'm not gg to be hypocritic by saying i dun go for money n money cant buy u everything n blah blah... coz money does buy u something. judging from the list of material desires i hav i certainly can do with more money. but the money that comes from a singing career like the ai predescendents is overwhelming. stars cant bloody finish spending their money. that's when u hav to think hard wat to buy to spend the most out of an item. when u hav to dig out some desires to fulfil. when indulges become daily rituals. when one nv look at the price tag. when buying is an emotionless action of flashing ur card. when retail therapy loses its effects. thus i disagree when pple say u can nv get enough of something. u can. i'm an advocate of retail therapy. the thrill of buying that long desired item or the excitement over a impulse buy. that momentary gratification. and yes also including the crawling sense of guilt when i look at the after-effects on my bank account. that's when i tell myself that i hav to let it lie fallow. in the meanwhile i continue to build up my list of wants, anticipating for the next round of spree. ah yes it is a vicious cycle where clearly savings doesnt or plainly cant come into the picture. yes i am perhaps e most cash poor person among my peers. well ok i hav to say i was a bit carried-off in my description of retail therapy coz if i hav to choose i wil rather hav a quiet day at home then a fruitful day in town. nothing is more rewarding then some peace and solitude. oh ok where was i. being an idol. yeah unless they are looking for an idol with no face or private life attached. n with the conditions of no night assignments n part of income pledged to charity. amaranthine froze in time on 2:23 AM Thursday, February 05, 2004 never judge a person by appearance yeah... i hav nv expect my new proj-mate, a petite (almost a head shorter than me) and sweet (with large puppy eyes) can display such agressiveness. today's presentation was i agree boring n perhaps a little ill-prepared, which was totally understandable when u consider the fact tt the marks for it is only 5. n they being the first group. but apparently my pm decides to shoot them with questions which eventually mounted to a full fledged debate that has i can say the whole class standing against her. amazing. it made sitting beside her uneasy. so is the thought that they wil bombard us when it's our turn to take the stand. amaranthine froze in time on 1:26 AM Wednesday, February 04, 2004 babies for thought yes. we were made to think how many children do we want to have or do we want to have any in the first place. my lecturer asked us to raise our hands to indicate our preference. oh yeah... like people wil really want to let the whole class know such personal indications. obviously not. but in my previous tutorial i hav taken, most of e pple in the tutorial wants one or two but not more. yeah not surprisely. every parents wants the best for their kids. more kids wil mean less for each kid. n the lifetime commitment of having a child. making sure that u are there in those special moments of his growing up process, be back into the horrid school systems u thought u are done with for the sake of ur child's studies. then faced with the looming fact that ur child is growing away from u. so why hav babies? some said wat's the point? filial piety shouldnt be expected especially in these times. yes, i think that it is something as children, we should do, it truely shouldnt be expected. it kills it for me when my parents never fail to remind me to repay them. i want to, but when i am expected to, i wonder whether i will. i think of how much i actually cost my parents, the times they spent bringing me out every sat... the sacrifices they make for us. for having children. parents are one of noblest being. nowadays where individualism is prevailing in societies it's hard to get people to give up fine dining and spa trips for screaming kids. so to ask myself that question, i used to give a very pro-government answer; three or more if i can afford it. no pun intended really. that's how i felt then. however, with a clearer view of what it involves, i will have to be rather rich. anyway wat's up with the talk on babies. i'm not talking about being a good mother just as yet. but being a good daughter. to make their sacrifices worthwhile. amaranthine froze in time on 2:20 AM Tuesday, February 03, 2004 too-much-sleep syndrome... yes i'm still bloody awake now. blame it on my overzealous attempt at sleeping out my slept debts over the weekend. apparently i sleep too much. though i have abnormal tendencies in terms of sleep. if i had only 3 hrs of sleep i dun even feel a tinge of sleepiness during even the most boring lectures. but if i had more than 8, i wil have the urge to sleep for the whole of next day. and now? seems that my theory doesnt apply. in front of me right now is a rare sight. the lights opposite weren't on tonight, so it's practically a whole patch of darkness i see before me. this is as close i can get to living in a forest. gosh it's so dark that the long flight of stairs opposite seems almost non-existent. tonight's especially peaceful. my other noctural neighbours have turned in early today. or izzit the fact that it's really late in the night. or in fact it's early morning. well i shall try to read my notes then. i shd hav done it earlier on instead of staring into my com which uncannily makes me more awake. ok this is it. i'm gg to bed. insects are flying in to keep me company, ok it's more of my heated lamp. well yes this is meaningless rhectoric... nitez amaranthine froze in time on 3:46 AM

it does not take much effort to see past the mundane and notice the little details in life _______________ Bits about Me .......... i like to procastinate i am a fashion mag junkie i hate spiders i am drawn to aesthetics i have a toenail the size of a dot i am an owl i like bananas i hate favouritism i don't sing i can't do a split i bungee jumped i am drawn to colours i eat real slow but drink real fast i like tans; on me and on guys i wish i can really cook i have spatial intelligence i don't like attention i am a perfume polygamist i like to read and smell books i am a pessimistist i squander; money n time i can't count i am a serial worrier i am an old soul i like surprises make my day and drop me a line at adropinasea@gmail.com _______________ Wishlist: .......... 1. new job 2. michael kors chronograph watch 3. good spirits 4. spa pampering at aman resorts 5. time to read 6. good laugh 7. a canine companion 8. a black chandelier 9. 10.kisses and hugs _______________ Quote to ponder .......... every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around _______________ ARCHIVES 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009 Picture Credits: Kurt Halsey