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Thursday, July 28, 2005where have all the muscles gone?i look in the mirror. examining the contours of my body and arms. tracing back the amount of b&j ice-cream, sweets, chocolates i have been eating. all i can manage is a sign of resignation. no surprise there. i am reaping the results of my careless eating. yes. i'm having a low body esteem right now. not to the extent of forbidding myself food. no meal skipping. not to the extent that i woke my ass everyday in desperation to revive those lean muscles of the past. not yet. that i might be capable of. yes i need discipline. which never really did exist in my dictionary. where was it when i'm doing my running test, almost one more round to go and i decided to fake cramp to escape the last round. when i am done with five. where was it when i was sipping my wine with friends without ever thinking about the test i have the next day. where was it when i inadvertently finished a whole tub of ice-cream or bag of cookies or bar of chocolate while sitting there with a stack of notes in view to justify the need to move some parts of my body to keep awake. where was it when i swapped the card for a purchase that rendered my bank account near empty. ok. so it is time i start having discipline. some improvements already in place. remember how i actually got up early for the gym when i could barely take my makeup off the previous night awake. it helps that i like the high and energy i get from exercise. that i like healthy food. that i want to look good. i am going to get back those muscles. get back my contours (in the right places). get back my confidence. i have some damage control to do. better yet, work towards a better me. amaranthine froze in time on 11:22 AM
Wednesday, July 20, 2005i can be blindyeah, things arent as bad as i thought they are. in fact they are great. getting better each time. but i never expect things to continue to be so. good things never last for long. so i shall relish the moments. give all i can. for this is not ethernity. amaranthine froze in time on 10:49 PM
Sunday, July 17, 2005putting it out thereyou put me in a position i never want to be i let you be in a position nobody had ever been in me i let you in the unprecedented vehemence of emotions i felt unmatched by the draw out i felt from you perhaps the victory you fought vanquished the desire, the want, the need you have the illumination i felt is perhaps the spark i thought i wanted the hilarity of it all the illusion of it all i no longer hold you in thrall i no longer keep you guessing i no longer is i am the optional the careless miss of concern the optional sound and sight of me the easy passing of absence now i want it back a little wounded nonetheless so i can engineer the shield i had again it will take more next time to make me put my heart out there coz mistakes always hurt more the second time amaranthine froze in time on 12:58 AM
Friday, July 15, 2005une nouvelle vieyes gone are the days of... being woken up by the heat of the late morning sun being awakened by the breath of early morning dew rushing and enjoying my academic essays finding a good spot in the library to spend my day sitting at the cafe watching people and time pass by dreading the start of the semester when i'm a stranger all over again making sure i will not be late nor too early for exams eating my plain but edible self-cooked dinner in front of my notebook doing my laundry past midnight enjoying the luxury of my coverted afternoon nap shopping without the crowd carefree attitude to each day having to answer only to myself thinking about just myself thinking wat to do next thinking who to meet thinking when will it come 2 main changes in my life. i'm no longer a student. i'm no longer single. the first filled with nostalgia for the past the second filled with anticipation for the future now i have more in life. responsibilities. independence. someone. changes. good or bad. i will embrace them. that's life. amaranthine froze in time on 12:37 AM
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it does not take much effort to see past the mundane and notice the little details in life
_______________ Bits about Me .......... i like to procastinate i am a fashion mag junkie i hate spiders i am drawn to aesthetics i have a toenail the size of a dot i am an owl i like bananas i hate favouritism i don't sing i can't do a split i bungee jumped i am drawn to colours i eat real slow but drink real fast i like tans; on me and on guys i wish i can really cook i have spatial intelligence i don't like attention i am a perfume polygamist i like to read and smell books i am a pessimistist i squander; money n time i can't count i am a serial worrier i am an old soul i like surprises make my day and drop me a line at adropinasea@gmail.com _______________ Wishlist: .......... 1. new job 2. michael kors chronograph watch 3. good spirits 4. spa pampering at aman resorts 5. time to read 6. good laugh 7. a canine companion 8. a black chandelier 9. 10.kisses and hugs _______________ Quote to ponder .......... every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around _______________ ARCHIVES
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