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Sunday, February 20, 2005Enjoy the moment ...Confinement at home doesnt seems so bad when you realise that i'm not going to have any more leave coming soon, that i can wake up to the late morn sun, munch my brunch, flip the papers, watch cute rocco cooking italian, surf for some cool stuff with my headphones plugged into some cool music, sleep with the afternoon breeze blowing, breathe in the much missed late night cool air ... ah this is pure understated bliss. It certainly helps that my case of chickenpox doesnt involve ugly itchy spots. it doesnt involved any state of unwell. the closest? my headache, stemming from the one big spot on my head. in fact less than a week, the spots are drying up. i'm still left wondering, that's it? The very fact that i don't have anything to do frees me up to think about times other than the present. the nostalgia about the past. how i spent my free time drawing models in the fashion mags. how they started big-headed. literally. coz i needed a big canvas to draw their features. so they're pretty much... pretty big heads with tiny body. then they evolved to more proportionate beings but of coz the model proportions: ultra long legs. shapely too. i have a thing with legs. perfect limbs. ah they're almost perfect. the face. the body. but they're all juz catwalk models. always standing or strutting. i experimented with different positions. relaxed, action, come-hilter. finally some life into them. but when i thought i've reach the mastery of these perfect beings, i stopped drawing when i entered university. i didnt bring my sketch books. easy excuse. i juz didnt thought of it. i had time. plenty. but i didnt. i took up fashion design and draw the technically right ones. my teacher loves them. but to me, filling them with colour oencils made it seem so childish. perhaps that's the catalyst for the dearth of my fav past-time of drawing. Then there's my old good diary. it started from an unsuspecting little notebook. it started out with frustration. so i juz wrote on anything i can find. the gratification of being able to express my feelings got me started on an actual diary i won in a contest when young. perfect. in those days i captured mostly and ventings and rantings. but there are some doses of happy writings in there too. it's easy to spot which are which. the ones neatly written slowly are the latter. those big angry messy words are obviously the former. then there's the suspense when writing my entries. hiding it under messy stacks of notes... watching the door from the corner of my eyes, sometimes hard when my eyes get tears of anger mounting while i wrote furiously. then hiding it from my family. sometimes words of warning is injected into my writing to remind the intruder that it's private property. i used to have a drawer with a lock. but when i forgot the key and they have to remove it, my diary moved to one of the safest place: among my mess. my most private and precious possession among the mess of papers and rubbish. now it's safe somewhere on the net. Past the nostalgia, there's the excitement of the future. The time spent surfing the net got me thinking about my future. the goals i set for myself. the life that i want. it made me feel empowered. i used to feel hopeless in face of life. that i cant control what goes into my life. i put a lot of faith in fate. i believe things happen for a reason. yeah i stil do. but it doesnt mean i sit there waiting and watching my life go past. i make the choice of how i want it to be. i can guide my life to the direction i want it to be. may not be the exact scenerio i want but i know i'm heading in that direction. the life i want. contentment. freedom. balance. i learnt the power of intention. if i want my life to be good, it will be. maybe not to the exact details to my utopian ideal, but anywhere close will be great. it does feel energising to see your goals. i have never believed in setting goals. esp those when i mark the number of topics i have to cover by which date. i usually never gotten to make a tick in any of those. i don't have any affinity with numbers. Even if it's just remembering. so when pple ask me for my result i truely can't rem, all i can remember is whether it's one or two digits. So it's not some low tactics i use to fend questions to test my ground, though i know it's common. I'm just not interested to know what happen after. i'm just glad to hand in something for the teacher to mark. So for a change now, in face of adulthood, goals doesnt just comes in numbers or alphabets. it's a vision. now that i'm good at. i'm good at visualising, dreaming, thinking. it takes no effort from me to conjure a perfect life from thin air. i'm a visual person. so goals with picturesque images will stand a higher chance this time. yeah this is a moment for myself. to think and reflect. what a person i have been. who i am now. what kind of better person i will be. it's a time for questions and answers. analysis and projection. yeah this is a time to enjoy while it last. amaranthine froze in time on 11:29 PM |
it does not take much effort to see past the mundane and notice the little details in life
_______________ Bits about Me .......... i like to procastinate i am a fashion mag junkie i hate spiders i am drawn to aesthetics i have a toenail the size of a dot i am an owl i like bananas i hate favouritism i don't sing i can't do a split i bungee jumped i am drawn to colours i eat real slow but drink real fast i like tans; on me and on guys i wish i can really cook i have spatial intelligence i don't like attention i am a perfume polygamist i like to read and smell books i am a pessimistist i squander; money n time i can't count i am a serial worrier i am an old soul i like surprises make my day and drop me a line at adropinasea@gmail.com _______________ Wishlist: .......... 1. new job 2. michael kors chronograph watch 3. good spirits 4. spa pampering at aman resorts 5. time to read 6. good laugh 7. a canine companion 8. a black chandelier 9. 10.kisses and hugs _______________ Quote to ponder .......... every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around _______________ ARCHIVES
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009 
Picture Credits: Kurt Halsey
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